I’m Not a Mommy Blogger

If you surveyed the entire community of people who have blogs similar to mine, I would be willing to bet that more than 75% of them are women with children, hereafter known as “Mommy Bloggers”. Many of them are stay at home moms and a larger-than-the-national-average percentage home school. These women are a force to be reckoned with and that makes me a little nervous to post anything about them, but I have a few things I want to say.

First, let’s acknowledge that we both have things that we are jealous of in each others’ lives. I was able to decide to move to Mexico this year to have an adventure and now I’m deciding to move back to the United States and none of that is really a feasible possibility for you. I know there are great things about being single and I’m trying to enjoy them while I have the chance. Please don’t hold that against me.

On the other hand, you (not all, but many of you), don’t have to work a traditional 9-5 job to support yourself or your family and therefore can find time to write or go on social media or go to writing retreats during the day during the work week. I realize that you also usually have little ones to take care of and I am acutely aware of just how exhausting and all consuming that is, but still, I’m jealous of your non-traditional work schedule.

I’m sure both of us have days where we think the others’ life is probably so much easier, so let’s just up and admit that and leave it out there.

This is me, circa 1990, crying about how jealous I am that someday there will be mommy bloggers and I won't be one.

This is me, circa 1990, crying about how jealous I am that someday there will be mommy bloggers and I won’t be one.

For those of you who do work outside the home and mother and blog, you must have a more evolved brain that needs less sleep than I do and I am, again, jealous and also a little bit in awe. Keep on keeping on, ladies.

But the most important thing I want to say to you is this: we both have things to say. Sometimes we even have things to say about the same topics! We live in the same world, even if the way we spend our time in it is very different. So when you want to blog about women’s rights or theology or how to make a ten foot chalkboard for your bathroom decor or the best potty training method you’ve found so far, go for it. I don’t expect you to be the most expert in your field (hello, this is the internet) and if you write well and support your point well, I’ll gladly listen to what you have to say and engage with it (or really, if you’re blogging about potty training, I probably won’t. But that’s not a comment on your writing abilities, really). Please don’t feel limited to blogging about potty training, but please don’t exclude me from your reading lists and blog circles because I never do.

All I ask in return is the same courtesy be given to me. I won’t be blogging about husbands and children because I’m not a wife or a mom, but I will be blogging about women in the church and faith and language and what I’m learning and maybe even the occasional casserole. Don’t write me off because I’m young and single. I’m sure in 20 years I’ll look back at these posts and laugh at how naive I was, but I imagine you’ll have the same experience.

And lastly, let’s be friends. There’s that video going around about how moms with kids can’t be good friends to their single or married-without-kids friends and I’m sure there’s some truth to that, but let’s be better than that. I’m willing to come and sit in your messy kitchen and play with your kids so we can chat. In fact, I’m going to start coming over uninvited if you don’t get over the mess in the kitchen and invite me (don’t worry, my kitchen’s a disaster too). Or if we’re just virtual friends, let’s prove that mommy bloggers can be friends with and engage and love their single lady blogger counterparts. I visit your blogs (there are LOTS of you) and share them and comment on them. Find some single lady bloggers (or their unicorn-rare counterpart, single dude bloggers) to follow and support back.

I think we can learn from each other and I think the body of Christ needs both of us. Let’s get over our labels and just be in this together, because I could use your advice on a few things.

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  1. Hi Rachel. I understand your point as no-one wants to be put in a box that doesn’t fit. There is, however some risk that by directing a post to Mommy Bloggers it might be bypassed by some who just read the title. For sure it will cause Google to send you ads for all sorts of mommy stuff that you probably don’t need though I doubt you care about that. Hopefully you will get responses both from mothers who are not stay-at-home as well as from others who are stay-at-home but are just as individualistic in their own way.

    In short, the danger of protesting that WE don’t belong in a box is that others may think we believe THEY do. That said, I’m sure you’ll work it out and find the uniqueness of each.

    1. Hi Paul- Thanks for your thoughts. I think I agree with you: I don’t want to be put in a box and so probably neither does anyone. I’d like for everyone to be able to write about whatever it is that crosses their path without other people judging them for it and whatever perceived “box” they fit in and “should” be writing about.

  2. I’m not sure why you are so mad. For example, I am a mom, I blog, and I’m a social media coach, speaker, and mentor but have no desire to get involved in the mommy blogging world. There are plenty of other bloggers online. It sounds like someone slighted you – in which case I say, move on, sister – there is enough variety out there for everyone. Why would you want to be involved with a mommy blogging community since you have no kid anyway? Confused.

    1. Hey Laurie! Thanks for stopping by. I haven’t been slighted and I’m not mad, and I’m sorry you read this post that way! Mostly, I’ve had a few experiences where people have invited me to join blogging groups for blogs similar to mine, and when I’ve mentioned that I’m not a mom, people have been surprised. I mostly wanted to draw attention to the fact that being a mother is not a prerequisite for blogging, and that moms (like you) can blog about whatever they want and shouldn’t have to conform to the “mommy blogging” stereotype.

  3. Rachel, I am a little surprised at the comments you’ve received, because i TOTALLY agree with this post – and I am a mom who blogs (although I wouldn’t call myself a “mommy” blogger :). I think it is SO easy for women to think we need to group up with others who are just like us. But you know what? I need my single friends. I need married-without-kids friends. I need grandma bloggers (anyone out there like that? i need you.). As a body, we need each other.

    That is something I have learned living overseas and not being able to pick and choose my “tribe.” It’s whoever happens to live in Poipet and speak English. And even if we do use labels to describe ourselves, i.e. mommy blogger, there is a huge range of diversity within that group. Love your words, girl! (and I like your title, too – definitely grabs my attention :)

    1. Thanks Whitney! I agree with what you said about overseas life limiting your “tribe” and that being a blessing in disguise! Thanks for being a voice of positivity always (spell check tells me that’s not a word. I’m using it anyway).

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  5. Yes, let’s be friends. I would love to hear more about Mexico and where you are moving next. You are right that I, a mom of three elementary aged boys, can no longer up and move like I did when I was younger and I miss that part of me.

    1. Oh good, I love new friends! Welcome, thanks for commenting! I’m moving back to Tennessee in July, which is fast approaching. I have been so blessed to have this opportunity this year.

  6. Love this! I blog, sans children, and could not agree more.

    1. Thanks! I got a lot of negative feedback on this post, but I think perhaps people didn’t understand where I was coming from (and where I was being sarcastic). Glad it resonated with you!

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